more than life?

what does it mean to sing that 'i love God more than life'?
i guess it has struck me lately that we sing many songs in church, where in some we profess to be able to 'go to the ends of the earth'... and so forth. do we really mean them?
growing up in a family where i have in a sense been taught that 'your word is your bond'... it can be hard to say these words at times without questioning whether i am lying or not. am i?
i dont doubt that God exists, nor that he gave the ultimate price for me, nor that he loves me. i know i love Him. at the very end, when it comes down to the very core of who i am... it is that i want to seek His face... wherever i'm at
sometimes, however i do wonder whether i love him more than life. daily i'm tempted, troubled, assailed, confused, pleased, praised, criticised... how does one keep track? how do u keep track of His face. at times i've felt like my faith is at an all time low... yet i keep singing.
i dont know why. sometimes, i've felt like crawling down into some hole, and just giving up. yet something keeps me going, into this maze that is life... where often i dont know where im heading... or where i'm at, even... it's ironic, on so many different levels.
sometimes i feel i'm heading in circles, 'eternal graceless ones', as put by F. Scott. Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby... but am i?
i know life has an eternal aspect. what one does now resounds in eternity. that i know. the moment when i face my Saviour ... that's when all this, all this life (troubles, trials, temptations) comes to. makes u wonder whether you're living for the future or now (almost seems like insurance)... but then i've also realised that yes, eternity beckons, but for now, i'm still living on this earth, with 6.5 billion souls (for a few more years, i hope), that I, as a Jesus freak am called to love. its interesting that there is nothing in that calling regarding how ppl react to my love, or how those ppl treat me. but we're called to love. thats that. that keeps life's maze clear for me, for as i seek God's face amidst the tumult of life, thats where He keeps my paths straight. my one refuge, my strong tower. i dont know where i'm heading, but i know He's with me, and i'm happy for that. the writer of Ecclesiastes, after exploring the multitude of contradictions, of troubles in life, concludes:
fear God, and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
so i guess, being a Jesus freak goes beyond singing songs on sunday... it's a lifestyle. can we match up with the words we speak/sing/try to sing? can we live up to our calling as Christians? our name suggests that we are ... ppl of Christ, who was God incarnated on earth. can we live up to it? by God's grace, and our faith that He'll make sense of an otherwise senseless life.
i know i'm not perfect, far from it. but 'there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus' (Romans 8:1). i've been set free... from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). what does that freedom give? for me, a chance to go along that well-worn path through the maze, that narrow path, paved with the blood of those who went before me, who counted the cost and knew what was worth more than life: following their Saviour, who gave His life so they could gain theirs.
God bless... (in all senses of the word)

back to it

ok ok i havent blogged in a month...
sorry guys =)
hope someone still reads this lol
yeah its been a long, tiring month. one of those where u wish were over. had midsems, a church camp, a 2 week study break (which ends tonight) and yeah... lotsa stuff...
some of which was painful, some which was enlightening, and yeah the rest in between.
firstly, its the first study break in my whole uni life where ive actually studied. hahaha yes... honest i went to uni almost every day hahaha and still theres so much work to do.
ive been rather stressed lately. going back to a convo i had with Andy years ago... he told me to keep 3 'bars' to see how im goin: my spiritual bar, my physical health bar, and my emotional bar. i might just take up that advice...
at the moment, my spiritual bar is at 50%, and the other 2 at 10%. im tired ehh:)
worst thing was i woke up on saturday with a crick in my back, which means i have trouble moving my neck without pain hahaha. ahh well... also am extremely sleep deprived owing to a bz week. (woke up early every week)
then again... its not been all bad. church camp WAS good. i guess its true that we should be looking at ourselves if theres a prob anywhere. rather than whining. what can i do abt it? if God has given u the burden... need i say more?
on another good note, ive found a nightfill job at target twice a week. so yeah... i might be abit bz with exams coming up
all abt keeping a balance, as ive found out lately. in more ways than one.
one thing i'll leave whoever still reads this with is Psalms 23... read it:) and things may start to make sense after a while. He is your shepherd. so why worry?