yeah... had an absolutely terrible week. but im getting over it... with God and some good friends. worst week of my life i think. but amazingly i dont feel as depressed as i should. yeah i wish things were better. but at least i can see God in this clearly. im sorry i cant share abt it. but i appreciate ur prayers. crappy week. but God is good. and he wipes away my tears (psalms 116).
there's always a silver lining. just got to look out for it.
written on 9 Nov 2006 (ie much later after this post)
looking back on that period of my life (cant believe it was so long ago)... i cant lie and say that that was fun to go through, or that it was great. it was crap, but at the same time good.
i realise now, looking back that God in all things really does work for the good of those who believe in him. from that starting point of crisis, he's prodded me back to the right direction again. he's still reworking me... (still a Work In Progress, for u accounting ppl reading this)... but i can honestly say, that i thank God for the trial. because it was in that trial, that i learnt more of who He was, and he taught me more of who I was:
his child
bought for an eternal price
so valued that he sent his one and only son to die for me
created and called for his purposes,
endowed with a hope and a future
freed to live by his grace, and most importantly
loved by Him
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
new life
i'm a sinner. i know that. i've sinned. i've not been a man of God to the ppl that matter in my life. i know that. i've not been a good Christian to my unsaved friends. i know that.
but i also know that the sinful nature is dead. sin has no power over me. i have nothing to fear, but fear itself. i know that my life story, will be a part of the universal story, written in revelations... that GOD wins. and i know that with my best friend, God, father, provider, security all in one... i can do all things, through Him who strengthens me.
it's amazing. i spent most of last yr in a depressive funk. why did there not seem to be purpose in my life? why did i stumble again and again? i was not a man of God last yr. i can say that with honesty. but i can also say that... i've learnt things. i can also say that i've recently broken some barriers in my personal life. i can say that i know the victory is won. i've realised that, as Paul writes in Romans... as he talks abt how he sins even though he doesnt want to, he realises that that sin is not a part of him. yes. i get tempted often. but the sinful nature is not a part of me. God has sanctified me. now i just have to rmb that when i get tempted to sin... when i get angry... when i get frustrated.
i've lived in guilt when i should live in freedom in Christ. i've let the Devil lie to me. lie to me that i'm worthless... that i'm weak... that i will always stumble. lies... that i listened to
No more. it's not abt me. it's abt God and what he's doin in me. i can resist temptation. its just sometimes i choose wrong. im not perfect. but i know i can resist it. temptation is no longer such an overbearing presence in my life... that previously i just sinned, because i saw no way out. but God provides a way out of temptation. i have the choice. he has sanctified me. he has made me new. its whether i choose to live in that new nature or the old. and i want to do the right thing for the God who made me who i am... his child... Nickolas Sin. theres none like him. i love Him. and he's teaching me to love myself. i've done things i never would have done in the past for fear of revealing to everyone my weaknesses. but it is in my weaknesses that His glory is revealed. it is in my humanity that His love and power shines through. and it is in submitting to him, no matter the sacrifice that entails... that He works in me... that breakthrough has happened. and im grateful. i've never cried so much. i love him.
God bless
but i also know that the sinful nature is dead. sin has no power over me. i have nothing to fear, but fear itself. i know that my life story, will be a part of the universal story, written in revelations... that GOD wins. and i know that with my best friend, God, father, provider, security all in one... i can do all things, through Him who strengthens me.
it's amazing. i spent most of last yr in a depressive funk. why did there not seem to be purpose in my life? why did i stumble again and again? i was not a man of God last yr. i can say that with honesty. but i can also say that... i've learnt things. i can also say that i've recently broken some barriers in my personal life. i can say that i know the victory is won. i've realised that, as Paul writes in Romans... as he talks abt how he sins even though he doesnt want to, he realises that that sin is not a part of him. yes. i get tempted often. but the sinful nature is not a part of me. God has sanctified me. now i just have to rmb that when i get tempted to sin... when i get angry... when i get frustrated.
i've lived in guilt when i should live in freedom in Christ. i've let the Devil lie to me. lie to me that i'm worthless... that i'm weak... that i will always stumble. lies... that i listened to
No more. it's not abt me. it's abt God and what he's doin in me. i can resist temptation. its just sometimes i choose wrong. im not perfect. but i know i can resist it. temptation is no longer such an overbearing presence in my life... that previously i just sinned, because i saw no way out. but God provides a way out of temptation. i have the choice. he has sanctified me. he has made me new. its whether i choose to live in that new nature or the old. and i want to do the right thing for the God who made me who i am... his child... Nickolas Sin. theres none like him. i love Him. and he's teaching me to love myself. i've done things i never would have done in the past for fear of revealing to everyone my weaknesses. but it is in my weaknesses that His glory is revealed. it is in my humanity that His love and power shines through. and it is in submitting to him, no matter the sacrifice that entails... that He works in me... that breakthrough has happened. and im grateful. i've never cried so much. i love him.
God bless
Sunday, October 16, 2005
more than life?
what does it mean to sing that 'i love God more than life'?
i guess it has struck me lately that we sing many songs in church, where in some we profess to be able to 'go to the ends of the earth'... and so forth. do we really mean them?
growing up in a family where i have in a sense been taught that 'your word is your bond'... it can be hard to say these words at times without questioning whether i am lying or not. am i?
i dont doubt that God exists, nor that he gave the ultimate price for me, nor that he loves me. i know i love Him. at the very end, when it comes down to the very core of who i am... it is that i want to seek His face... wherever i'm at
sometimes, however i do wonder whether i love him more than life. daily i'm tempted, troubled, assailed, confused, pleased, praised, criticised... how does one keep track? how do u keep track of His face. at times i've felt like my faith is at an all time low... yet i keep singing.
i dont know why. sometimes, i've felt like crawling down into some hole, and just giving up. yet something keeps me going, into this maze that is life... where often i dont know where im heading... or where i'm at, even... it's ironic, on so many different levels.
sometimes i feel i'm heading in circles, 'eternal graceless ones', as put by F. Scott. Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby... but am i?
i know life has an eternal aspect. what one does now resounds in eternity. that i know. the moment when i face my Saviour ... that's when all this, all this life (troubles, trials, temptations) comes to. makes u wonder whether you're living for the future or now (almost seems like insurance)... but then i've also realised that yes, eternity beckons, but for now, i'm still living on this earth, with 6.5 billion souls (for a few more years, i hope), that I, as a Jesus freak am called to love. its interesting that there is nothing in that calling regarding how ppl react to my love, or how those ppl treat me. but we're called to love. thats that. that keeps life's maze clear for me, for as i seek God's face amidst the tumult of life, thats where He keeps my paths straight. my one refuge, my strong tower. i dont know where i'm heading, but i know He's with me, and i'm happy for that. the writer of Ecclesiastes, after exploring the multitude of contradictions, of troubles in life, concludes:
fear God, and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
so i guess, being a Jesus freak goes beyond singing songs on sunday... it's a lifestyle. can we match up with the words we speak/sing/try to sing? can we live up to our calling as Christians? our name suggests that we are ... ppl of Christ, who was God incarnated on earth. can we live up to it? by God's grace, and our faith that He'll make sense of an otherwise senseless life.
i know i'm not perfect, far from it. but 'there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus' (Romans 8:1). i've been set free... from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). what does that freedom give? for me, a chance to go along that well-worn path through the maze, that narrow path, paved with the blood of those who went before me, who counted the cost and knew what was worth more than life: following their Saviour, who gave His life so they could gain theirs.
God bless... (in all senses of the word)
i guess it has struck me lately that we sing many songs in church, where in some we profess to be able to 'go to the ends of the earth'... and so forth. do we really mean them?
growing up in a family where i have in a sense been taught that 'your word is your bond'... it can be hard to say these words at times without questioning whether i am lying or not. am i?
i dont doubt that God exists, nor that he gave the ultimate price for me, nor that he loves me. i know i love Him. at the very end, when it comes down to the very core of who i am... it is that i want to seek His face... wherever i'm at
sometimes, however i do wonder whether i love him more than life. daily i'm tempted, troubled, assailed, confused, pleased, praised, criticised... how does one keep track? how do u keep track of His face. at times i've felt like my faith is at an all time low... yet i keep singing.
i dont know why. sometimes, i've felt like crawling down into some hole, and just giving up. yet something keeps me going, into this maze that is life... where often i dont know where im heading... or where i'm at, even... it's ironic, on so many different levels.
sometimes i feel i'm heading in circles, 'eternal graceless ones', as put by F. Scott. Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby... but am i?
i know life has an eternal aspect. what one does now resounds in eternity. that i know. the moment when i face my Saviour ... that's when all this, all this life (troubles, trials, temptations) comes to. makes u wonder whether you're living for the future or now (almost seems like insurance)... but then i've also realised that yes, eternity beckons, but for now, i'm still living on this earth, with 6.5 billion souls (for a few more years, i hope), that I, as a Jesus freak am called to love. its interesting that there is nothing in that calling regarding how ppl react to my love, or how those ppl treat me. but we're called to love. thats that. that keeps life's maze clear for me, for as i seek God's face amidst the tumult of life, thats where He keeps my paths straight. my one refuge, my strong tower. i dont know where i'm heading, but i know He's with me, and i'm happy for that. the writer of Ecclesiastes, after exploring the multitude of contradictions, of troubles in life, concludes:
fear God, and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.
so i guess, being a Jesus freak goes beyond singing songs on sunday... it's a lifestyle. can we match up with the words we speak/sing/try to sing? can we live up to our calling as Christians? our name suggests that we are ... ppl of Christ, who was God incarnated on earth. can we live up to it? by God's grace, and our faith that He'll make sense of an otherwise senseless life.
i know i'm not perfect, far from it. but 'there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus' (Romans 8:1). i've been set free... from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). what does that freedom give? for me, a chance to go along that well-worn path through the maze, that narrow path, paved with the blood of those who went before me, who counted the cost and knew what was worth more than life: following their Saviour, who gave His life so they could gain theirs.
God bless... (in all senses of the word)
Sunday, October 02, 2005
back to it
ok ok i havent blogged in a month...
sorry guys =)
hope someone still reads this lol
yeah its been a long, tiring month. one of those where u wish were over. had midsems, a church camp, a 2 week study break (which ends tonight) and yeah... lotsa stuff...
some of which was painful, some which was enlightening, and yeah the rest in between.
firstly, its the first study break in my whole uni life where ive actually studied. hahaha yes... honest i went to uni almost every day hahaha and still theres so much work to do.
ive been rather stressed lately. going back to a convo i had with Andy years ago... he told me to keep 3 'bars' to see how im goin: my spiritual bar, my physical health bar, and my emotional bar. i might just take up that advice...
at the moment, my spiritual bar is at 50%, and the other 2 at 10%. im tired ehh:)
worst thing was i woke up on saturday with a crick in my back, which means i have trouble moving my neck without pain hahaha. ahh well... also am extremely sleep deprived owing to a bz week. (woke up early every week)
then again... its not been all bad. church camp WAS good. i guess its true that we should be looking at ourselves if theres a prob anywhere. rather than whining. what can i do abt it? if God has given u the burden... need i say more?
on another good note, ive found a nightfill job at target twice a week. so yeah... i might be abit bz with exams coming up
all abt keeping a balance, as ive found out lately. in more ways than one.
one thing i'll leave whoever still reads this with is Psalms 23... read it:) and things may start to make sense after a while. He is your shepherd. so why worry?
sorry guys =)
hope someone still reads this lol
yeah its been a long, tiring month. one of those where u wish were over. had midsems, a church camp, a 2 week study break (which ends tonight) and yeah... lotsa stuff...
some of which was painful, some which was enlightening, and yeah the rest in between.
firstly, its the first study break in my whole uni life where ive actually studied. hahaha yes... honest i went to uni almost every day hahaha and still theres so much work to do.
ive been rather stressed lately. going back to a convo i had with Andy years ago... he told me to keep 3 'bars' to see how im goin: my spiritual bar, my physical health bar, and my emotional bar. i might just take up that advice...
at the moment, my spiritual bar is at 50%, and the other 2 at 10%. im tired ehh:)
worst thing was i woke up on saturday with a crick in my back, which means i have trouble moving my neck without pain hahaha. ahh well... also am extremely sleep deprived owing to a bz week. (woke up early every week)
then again... its not been all bad. church camp WAS good. i guess its true that we should be looking at ourselves if theres a prob anywhere. rather than whining. what can i do abt it? if God has given u the burden... need i say more?
on another good note, ive found a nightfill job at target twice a week. so yeah... i might be abit bz with exams coming up
all abt keeping a balance, as ive found out lately. in more ways than one.
one thing i'll leave whoever still reads this with is Psalms 23... read it:) and things may start to make sense after a while. He is your shepherd. so why worry?
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
merdeka
yes i am aware of the fact that i started writing this blog with barely 15 minutes of Merdeka Day left. ok in this 15 minutes.... reminisce
what do we celebrate? is it that we have an independent nation, no longer under the thumb of colonial powers? (post colonial view here - sorry hahaha i would like to think my English Literature studies could be used somewhere - apologies for unleashing on you guys)
is it that indescribable nature that makes a peninsula (ok and one large-ish island and several small ones) off southeast Asia... so distinctly home? Malaysia was my home for 13 years of my life...
so what is it to me? just that... home. where i was born, where i was raised. I'm as malaysian as i'm human. its something i hold proudly, even though i reside now in Australia.
so what do i celebrate every 31 August? the life my country gave me... i remember the sacrifices made by those in the past... that made my country what it is... and i remember, that looking to the future, its up to us... as citizens wherever we are, to make the country what it will be. Malaysia is not just a country... i've come to realise that as citizens wherever we are, we are the country. the country is the people...
so it is with happiness that every 31 August i celebrate something dear to my heart. my homeland. the place that gave me life (to which hopefully one day i will return). and i pray that i get the chance one day to contribute to what made my country so dear to my heart.
its a simple line, but its true "i am, we are, you are Malaysian"... i urge you guys to remember what that means. and when you find out what it means, that is when you realise the significance of 31st August 1957.
God places us in wherever we were born ... to make a difference. Malaysia isnt without its faults. but who is? like it or not... its home. it was home. now it is not physically home, but its home in my heart anyways...
God bless you all, and i wish you all a happy Merdeka Day... (well the last 6 mins of it neways) =D
what do we celebrate? is it that we have an independent nation, no longer under the thumb of colonial powers? (post colonial view here - sorry hahaha i would like to think my English Literature studies could be used somewhere - apologies for unleashing on you guys)
is it that indescribable nature that makes a peninsula (ok and one large-ish island and several small ones) off southeast Asia... so distinctly home? Malaysia was my home for 13 years of my life...
so what is it to me? just that... home. where i was born, where i was raised. I'm as malaysian as i'm human. its something i hold proudly, even though i reside now in Australia.
so what do i celebrate every 31 August? the life my country gave me... i remember the sacrifices made by those in the past... that made my country what it is... and i remember, that looking to the future, its up to us... as citizens wherever we are, to make the country what it will be. Malaysia is not just a country... i've come to realise that as citizens wherever we are, we are the country. the country is the people...
so it is with happiness that every 31 August i celebrate something dear to my heart. my homeland. the place that gave me life (to which hopefully one day i will return). and i pray that i get the chance one day to contribute to what made my country so dear to my heart.
its a simple line, but its true "i am, we are, you are Malaysian"... i urge you guys to remember what that means. and when you find out what it means, that is when you realise the significance of 31st August 1957.
God places us in wherever we were born ... to make a difference. Malaysia isnt without its faults. but who is? like it or not... its home. it was home. now it is not physically home, but its home in my heart anyways...
God bless you all, and i wish you all a happy Merdeka Day... (well the last 6 mins of it neways) =D
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